Nature Connections February

A picnic at Red Rocks Amphitheater

Building a Snowman in the backyard (with a little help from dad)


On being a mother

Well, I have been feeling sorry for myself for about, mmm... who knows when, and all because I am about to turn 40!

A few nights ago I had a conversation with my husband. I was crying as I was trying to explain to him how sad, disappointed angry and so on I was at not having accomplished much in my life.He listened patiently as I sobbed and told him how I had no passion no motivation in my life
How when I was a Veterinary Assistant, I did not mind working 14 hours on days when someone called in sick,how I would go home tired but with a really good feeling, like I had done something important. I felt a big sense of accomplishment.Why I even singlehandedly, saved the life of a cat once! Those were the days when I did something worthwhile.

We were laying in bed while this conversation happened. After I was done talking he told me in a tone of voice that sounded like a mixture of anger and sadness something that hit me hard.
I can not quote him verbatim but he said something like how he does not understand why it is that being a mother has so little being a mother is the most important job in the world and yet people treat it like it is nothing.He turned over and went to sleep.

Do I remember the name of that cat? No. I am also pretty sure that, if still alive, this cat and the other pets I helped get better,has no memory of what happened a long time ago and they probably do not care.

Now, I am responsible for 3 lives.Three individuals who are depending on me to guide and teach them how to live in this crazy world.Everything I do or say has a lifetime impact on them.

Wow I do have the most important job job in the world!

In a Rut?

Wow this is hitting me harder that I was expecting. I am cancelling commitments,activities, just avoiding any social interactions...

I am drowning in a river of self pity.The worst part is that I do not have the courage to get up and walk away.

Well, I guess she is reading!

After our little friend Fiona amazed Sofia with her ability to read, I asked her if she wanted to be taught how to read. After she said yes
I went to the library and got a few Bob Books , that did not go well, so nothing happened.That was before the holidays.

After that, I was starting to doubt my ability to home school, because to be honest I do not believe in academics before the age of 7 and I just felt some imaginary pressure telling me I had to teach her how to read. "What do I do , do I spend money on a learn to read program? Do I just let it be? She will be so behind and I will be judged"

But then one morning it just happened, she started to read! She reads(or tries to read) every book we have in the house.No she is not some kind of genius but it just shows me that we are on the right path.The unschooler inside me is happy.